Saturday, April 16, 2011


My Future Boyfriend
Director: Michael Lange
Writer: James Orr, Jim Cruickshank
Starring: Sarah Rue, Barry Watson

Barry Watson lives a millennium in the future, where there is no love or sex or jazz music. (Also no contractions, though I don’t know why.) He discovers a romance novel from 2011 and travels back in time to ask the author about the meaning of love. That author, of course, is curvaceous and spunky Sarah Rue, who is engaged to a completely likeable businessman.

Otherwise known as “The Baxter.” Look it up.

Barry tells Sarah all about the future and she writes a bunch of articles about it. She doesn’t really believe him, though, until it’s too late and he has to go back to the future. This leads to a rather dumb car chase involving Fred Willard and a birthday cake. Will this end happily? Look at the poster. You tell me.

“I am from the future and I want to find out about love.”

“You’re not leaking. You’ve been infected, I’m afraid.”

I guess the million dollar question is: Why am I reviewing this? It’s not a horror movie. No one dies. There are no gay characters.

Well, touché, self. That’s all true. But it’s a genre film (involving time travel), and it had the potential to address gender dynamics (a man from the sexless future travels to the heathen past). Mainly, though, I wanted to include an ABC Family film to counterbalance the earlier Lifetime movie we included.

No nudity. No sex scenes. This is ABC Family, after all. But Barry Watson is as Camden-tastic as ever.

Four decapitations and a partial immolation. I’m kidding. Look at the freaking screen shot.

Yup. No machetes in sight.

Why would Valerie Harper want the main character to end up with Barry Watson? For what she can tell, he’s completely delusional and borderline psychotic. And he doesn’t speak in contractions.

Remember her? Yeah... me neither.

If it’s so easy to go back in time, why don’t more people do it? I mean, sex-related reasons alone…

During the big finale, Sarah Rue’s boyfriend gets totally rejected and ends up with a tranquilizer dart in his neck. Why? He didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t a bad guy.

While the ending may seem happy at first glance, there are some lingering issues. For example, is Pax going to keep pretending that he’s from the present? If he tells her, he won’t have any proof; she spent the rest of the movie refusing to buy his story, so why would she now? If he doesn’t, how is he going to manage? He has no job, house, or career. He barely knows how to communicate with 21st century humans.

Much like late-90s Robin Williams and his fans.

This is a romantic comedy from ABC Family, so it’s watered down and completely de-gayed. (Not even a gay BFF.) I’m glad I sat through it, because it was pleasant and brainless, but I doubt that anyone, gay or straight, would get even a little passionate about this film. This is a blandly asexual rom-com, so I’ll give it a Josh Lucas.

1 comment:

  1. Most women don’t know this... but even if a man is attracted to you or even says he loves you...

    ...chances are he still feels something is missing.

    Because there is a secret, emotional need hidden within his heart that he craves more than anything.

    And in most cases, is not being met.

    The problem is, if it’s not being met, his attention will inevitably wander until he finds a woman who can give it to him.

    Maybe one in a thousand women knows how to do this instinctively, and they usually rise to unbelievable levels of influence and fame.

    But most women, or men for that matter, don’t even know it exists.

    On the other hand, when you have this 1 simple secret...

    You won’t believe the shocking effect you have on the men in your life.

    Here’s a video I discovered that shows you exactly what I’m talking about:

    ==> Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> He’ll give his heart to the first woman who does THIS...