Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Covenant

Doesn't it look like the one on the far
left is about to pee on something? 

The Covenant is a teen horror/action/trainwreck film that is universally acknowledged for its blatant homoeroticism.

Not complaining. Well… maybe a little. About the plot.

I vowed to myself that I would never write about this film because Cracked did a really funny article that I wouldn’t be able to top. But I would like to mention a spin-off comic that is straight-up horrible.

Why are they twelve? And why is one of them fat? 

Gaze in utter confusion at the page on display. Anyone who has seen the film, or even the trailer, or even the poster, knows that the Covenant is not about a bunch of young kids summoning a demon at summer camp. It’s about hot teenagers who shoot magic from their fingers and walk around shirtless. I bought this comic for $0.99 and expected some similarities to the movie besides, you know, the title and the number of main characters.

I also bought it to see a drawn version of this guy.

Basically, this comic is not at all homoerotic. Nor does it have anything to do with anything. Nor does it make sense.

At the very least, it drops the girlfriend characters, who were as integral to the movie as embarrassed-looking props.

Where IS everyone? You know what, screw this.
I'm going to transfer to that school from The Brotherhood.
The guys there really know how to treat a lady.

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