G'Bye!

I believe this is the end of the line for LGBTerror. Thanks for all the memories! I'll leave you with a very special goodbye video.

CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL

I am fascinated with low-budget independent musicals. There is just something grand and epic about the musical genre, so watching something grand and epic rendered on a tiny, do-it-yourself scale is unlike any other type of indie. Indie musicals are special. Case-in-point: I just saw Colma the Musical, which has some gay interest but very little in regards to horror, so it probably would not be a good fit for this website. But watching it inspired me to check out a few more cheapie musicals, specifically this one. Cannibal!

I caught it back in the late-90s when my brother and I were obsessed with all things South Park. We worshipped Trey Parker and Matt Stone. And, unbeknownst to my brother, I had the biggest effing crush on Trey Parker. I mean, look at him. He looks so wholesome and so...

Well, maybe wholesome is little off. But rewatching this film was a lot of fun mainly because it was an opportunity to remember my schoolboy crush on this guy. The songs were good, and a lot of the humor worked. Some of the jokes... not so much. Maybe I have since grown out of the rhythm of this kind of humor, because there were specific moments in the film that I found hysterical the first time around that now left me... well, not laughing.

Here is an example:

Still, Cannibal! is a solid movie and an admirable effort for a low-budget student film. It definitely shows off the glimmers of talent that Parker and Stone will eventually display. But, like I said, my favorite part was spending some time with a long-forgotten crush.

PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE

The other night, I caught this early Brian de Palma movie on late-night television. I had forgotten how dark and twisted it was. And it is definitely a product of the 70s. It came out before Rocky Horror, and yet that show gets all the credit for being groundbreaking and subversive.

Quick quiz. Is this from Rocky Horror or Phantom...

However, Phantom of the Paradise has a badder, more twisted protagonist, a man with half a face who flies in the face of the system.

And like Rocky Horror, it has its own queer overtones...

Is it offensive? Maybe. Seriously, you tell me. Is it offensive? I honestly can’t tell.

The actors are, for the most part, better singers. Especially the glorious female lead, who coincidentally replaced Susan Sarandon in Shock Treatment, the Rocky Horror sequel that no one seems to appreciate.

And while this film does not have a moment quite like the Time Warp, all of the extravagant musical numbers are, top-to-bottom, more enjoyable and over-the-top.

Hard core musical fans out there have probably already seen and enjoyed this film. But if not, check it out. For real. And that’s the hell of it.

ROCKULA

STATS:

Rockula

1990

Director: Luca Barcovici

Writer: Luca Barcovici, Jefery Levi, Chris Ver Wiel

Starring: Dean Cameron (from Ski School!), Toni Basil (from Mickey!), Thomas Dolby (from She Blinded Me With Science!), Tawny Fere (from… uh… Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish)

Oh, that Tawny Fere.

WHA’ HAPPENED?

Ralph is a vampire living in the halcyon days of the late 80s. He doesn’t drink blood or kill people, and his reflection is kind of an asshole to him. To make matters worse, he’s a virgin, because his true love was murdered by a pirate before he could turn her into a vampire. Every twenty-two years, she gets resurrected and murdered by a pirate. Can Ralph save the love of his lives and break the cycle?

Yes. Yes he can.

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?

This is a rock musical about vampires. Needless to say, it has a cult following. (Tune in later when we compare this movie to the Canadian film Suck. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.)

SHIRTS AND SKINS:

There’s a lot of sexualized rock star prancing across the stage (for both Ralph and his lady friend). And for soulmates who haven’t seen each other for an entire lifetime, there’s a surprisingly light amount of heavy petting (i.e. none). Ralph’s vamp mother Toni Basil gets to dance around in tight dresses, which is campy fun for the whole family.

Why? Because how often do I get the opportunity to talk about Toni Basil?

BLOOD AND GUTS:

As I said, Ralph doesn’t drink people. He’s a vegetarian vampire before that concept got popular and lame.

Indeed they do. Indeed. They. Do.

OK. IS IT GAY?

Not particularly. The subject matter makes it seem of gay interest, but it’s really not. For a movie about soulmates, there’s very little romance. For a movie about vampires, there’s very little action. The sense of humor is zany and Savage Steve Holland style, and the songs are insanely catchy. (“I wanna rock you LAAAAA.”) It’s a fun little film, but it’s not particularly gay, especially for a movie centered around dressing up and rocking out. Let’s give this a non-gay (but gay-friendly) Johnny Depp.

So... he's French now?