HUMONGOUS

I am not sure what the picture is meant to be.

It looks like a floating drumstick with feet.

HUMONGOUS is an early eighties (1982) slasher flick set on a deserted island, where a young woman raises her baby (the product of a sexual assault) to go around murdering people. The baby is now a Jason Voorhees-type mutant, and he has a lot of killing to do once a group of horny teens sneak onto his land.

I wanted to enjoy this film. I really did, but when the plot hinges on an opening rape scene, it takes away all the goofy fun for the rest of the movie. It is like watching The Hangover right after Million Dollar Baby. No matter how much you like Zach Galifianakis, you cant laugh because you keep thinking about poor Hilary Swank and her spinal cord.

That said, there was plenty of beefcake in the form of young, blonde guys wandering around trying to solve the mystery of the island.

Like this guy, the Laurence Olivier of the bunch.

What were some of the clues they found, you might ask. Skulls, a giant crib, footprints, basically every possible hint that there was a psycho mutant baby all grown up and really to kill.

I found this skull right next to some baby toys.
I got it! Skeleton babysitters!

Even though it takes the group a ludicously long time to realize that they are getting murdered one by one, the movie still kept my attention. This was probably because their little island setting was oozing with atmosphere.

Cool house. Too bad the cameraman
forgot to steady his tripod before filming.

Plus, there were plenty of deaths. Not particularly memorable deaths, but deaths nonetheless. Besides, what they lacked in quality they made up for in quantity.

And overacting.

However, my biggest (non-rape) gripe with the film is that it was so freaking dark. Now, I understand that horror movies need nighttime and shadows and all that. But when the sun sets and these teenagers start getting murdered, it was almost like those scenes in Scooby Doo where you cant see anything besides eyeballs.

Thankfully the director liked to shine a

light on the back of the murderer.s head.

At least its a start. And at least he

did better than the tripod guy.

Still, for a movie with some many scenes involving people jumping out of the background, it would be nice if we SAW the background half the time.

Who Can Kill a Child/ Island of the Damned

STATS:

Who Can Kill a Child?

(Island of the Damned)

1976

Director: Director: Narciso Ibanez Serrador

Writer: Juan Jose Planz, Narciso Ibanez Serrador (They’re from Sweden.)

Starring: Lewis Fiander, Prunella Ransome

WHA’ HAPPENED?

A young-ish British couple expecting their first child take a vacation on a Spanish island that’s been overrun by inexplicably homicidal children. They wander around the island trying to figure out what happened. Then they start running for their lives when they see the first of several murders. I won’t tell you how it ends (awesomely) or if anyone survives (nope). I will tell you that the film toys with our sympathies, making us question whether we deserve to be viciously murdered by our children. It’s an interesting thesis.

After careful deliberation, I’d say no.

We don’t deserve to be viciously murdered.

WHAT YOU SAY?

“A normal child is not capable of killing an adult!”

“The baby inside me is KILLING MEEEEEEE!”

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?

This film has built up high levels of mystique, solely due to the fact that it hadn’t been released on video or DVD for decades.

Unlike some films, which get released every month.

Also, a remake is coming out with Diego Luna.

Nuff said.

SHIRTS AND SKINS:

The two main characters are chronically sunburned British tourists. Most everyone else is underage and homicidal. It’s a good thing there’s no nudity.

BLOOD AND GUTS:

Pretty constantly. Unlike those crazy kids from Children of the Corn, these guys are constantly stabbing, shooting, and bludgeoning piñata-style any adult who crosses their path. Seriously, the piñata murder is more harrowing than the piñata scene from Problem Child. (I didn’t want to include a photo, because I’d just creep myself out again.)

OK. IS IT GAY?

Horror movies involving psycho children can either be campy (The Bad Seed, the Rosemary’s Baby TV-movie sequel with Patty Duke) or decidedly not (The Children, Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest).

Seriously. This sh!t is harrowing.

From its sensational title to the end credits, this film is more confrontational than campy, which seriously lowers its gay cred. Then again, this is a film where a mother is murdered from the inside by her unborn fetus, so maybe there is some camp value.

God I love this film.

In addition, the film had ample opportunity to comment on the traditional family dynamic, which would have definitely been of interest. Instead, the writer/director made the wife helpless and whiny, and the husband cocky and controlling. There are definitely political undertones to the movie, but not in any gender-studies-type way.

All-in-all, nothing struck me as particularly queer, but this is a solid, interesting movie that raises some previously unasked questions about parent/child relationships. Because it’s entertaining without being explicitly gay, I’d give this a good ol’ Tom Hanks.

Oh. Wait.