Superman/Batman: Apocalypse

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse

2010

Directed by Lauren Montgomery

Written by Tab Murphy

Starring Summer Glau, Tim Daly, Susan Eisenberg, Kevin Conroy, and Andre Braugher

WHA’ HAPPENED?

Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, and a couple heroes I’ve never heard of team up to take down Darkseid and Granny Goodness (two more characters I’ve never heard of). There is a lot of fighting, and Apocalypse is some kind of planet, not a Biblical end of days. As such, there is a happy ending.

Granny Goodness. Now my third favorite grandmother character.

I think Ed Asner did her voice.

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?

I’ve been riding high on DC animated movies lately. They’re all free on Netflix, and they’re all crazy violent. Also, it cracks me up how such all-American pop culture icons like Superman and Batman can be so freaking homoerotic and muscle-worshippy in their character designs.

Superman with eye liner.

SHIRTS AND SKINS:

As I said before, there are loads of hot guys (and girls) in a superhero movie. And while they might not show a lot of skin, their skin-tight costumes leave very little to the imagination.

 Just a peek at the gun show.

BLOOD AND GUTS:

In addition, there isn’t exactly a shortage of violence in this film. And while a lot of it is cartoony and gee-whiz-comic-booky, there are genuine stakes involves. I’m talking blood and guts. Well, maybe not a lot of guts… But definitely blood.

Pictured: Superman holding a dead body.

I assume this does not happen a lot.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

For those of you who enjoy a good Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, be prepared for some obvious parallels here. The women are all beautiful, quippy, and kick-ass. I got some major Buffy flashbacks when I saw Supergirl battling a bunch of men three times her size. This is a crowd-pleasing movie for anyone who likes emotionally complicated women kicking ass and taking names.

Also, all of DC's greatest heroes (except Aquaman) are in it too. And while they might not all have a LOT to do for most of the movie…

…it never gets old seeing them hang out together. I highly recommend this.

Superman/Shazam!: The Return of Black Adam

STATS:

Superman/Shazam!: The Return of Black Adam

2010

Directed by Jaoquim Dos Santos

Written by Michael Jelenic

Starring Jerry O’Connell

WHA’ HAPPENED?

Superman teams up with Captain Marvel (a kid who gets random magic powers every time he shouts "Shazam!") to fight Black Adam, a white guy named Adam. The entire movie is one long fight scene, with some exposition about how Captain Marvel gets his powers.

WHAT YOU SAY?

"Shazam," obviously.

Um... a slightly different film.

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?

This movie is the centerpiece of a 4-part anthology film meant to introduce people to lesser-known DC heroes. I found it free on Netflix and decided to check it out. Certain sections were gleefully horrific, so I thought I could do a few write-ups for this website. I had to start with this one, which was the least horrific and bloody, because it was the first (and longest) installment in the set.

SHIRTS AND SKINS:

As expected, this film is chock-full of superpowered, animated beefcake. In this installment, we get Superman, Captain Marvel, AND Black Adam, three rippling heroes. Theyre fully clothed, but tights barely count as clothing, right? The animators leave absolutely no bulges to the imagination. I strongly believe that some people are just born gay, but superheroes like these make a good argument that some pop culture can "turn" kids. If so, bring on the super men!

Like I said: bulges.

BLOOD AND GUTS:

For one giant fight scene, this film has precious little blood. Also, the city is weirdly underpopulated, so there aren’t a lot of deaths amidst the wreckage. This could be due to budgetary reasons (lots of extras are hard to draw) and moral reasons (protect the children!), but comparing this film to the others in this grisly series makes me think it has more to do with the former than the latter.

PLOT HOLES AND CRAZINESS:

Does Captain Marvel have a big fan base? I’ve never heard of him, and his backstory is needlessly complicated. That said, there is something pretty kick-ass about a preteen who can turn into a big hulking hero just by saying a magic word.

Also, I’m surprised that a DC character is named Marvel. I’m not a huge comics fan, but I assume there was probably some drama involved back in the day.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This movie is a fun little time waster. If you're of the "Prince Eric School of Hot Cartoons", there is a lot to like in this one. There’s not much of a story beyond a vague don’t-bully-people message, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this one.

But seriously, Black Adam needs a new name.

Like, Vaguely Ethnic Adam. Or The Rock.