Sunday, February 12, 2012

Arthur’s Quest

I like how the catchphrase at the top is
basically just an explanation of the plot.

Directed by Neil Mandt
Starring Eric Christian Olsen, Arye Gross, Catherine Oxenberg, and Zach Galligan (!)

This guy plays the king of Engliand. He grew a beard for the role.

Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana travel through time and end up in late-20th-century southern California, where Arthur grows up to be a blonde skater who complains that he never fits in, even though he looks exactly like male model Eric Christian Olsen (Not Another Teen Movie, NCIS: The Other One). Merlin, who is an epic bumbler played by our fourth favorite character actor Arye Gross, tries to get Arthur (aka Artie, har har) to accept his fate and retrieve Excalibur.

Morgana is now the evil sex-bomb principal of the school. You know she’s evil, because she’s the only one who retained her British accent after the time jump. Artie finally comes to his senses and realizes that he’s King Arthur (duh) after his girlfriend gets kidnapped by the principal’s bodyguards. After a ten-second sword fight and a nifty little deus ex machina dispatches Morgana and her ill-defined plan for world domination, Artie and his friends all travel back to Medieval Times (the time period, not the theme restaurant). And the world is once again safe from Morgana and massive plot holes.

This movie is a late-90s direct-to-video effort aimed directly at children. After sitting through an ill-advised Saw marathon with a few friends (Too many body parts! Too many body parts!), I decided to cleanse my pop culture pallet with something wholesome and stupid.

Well, the movie stars Eric Christian Olsen, who grew up to become this…

But right now, he’s supposed to be a little nerdy and a lot underage. So… let’s not be gross here.

I hate movies where the villain's plan for world domination makes no sense. I also hate movies that end with a final battle where you don’t quite know the rules, but you assume the bad guy has no way of winning. Both those things are true about this film, but it’s really hard to hate something so doofy and well-meaning. Especially if Clint Howard is in it for no reason whatsoever.

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