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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

THE COTTAGE


STATS:
2008
Directed by Paul Andrew Williams
Written by Paul Andrew Williams
Starring Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith and Jennifer Ellison

Gollum.

A crime drama turns into a comedy which turns into a straight up slasher film. Half the fun of this movie is watching the plot go in random directions, so I won't give anything away. But I would just say that it definitely satisfies as a horror movie by the end. And it has a final scene that is brilliant.

"That’s chlorophyll for you."

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?
There is nothing special about this movie. I have no idea how I heard about it. It was probably just recommended to me by the internet robots working behind the scenes at Netflix. Either way, I had no expectations going in, and was shocked by pretty much everything that happened.

Emma Bunton, aka Baby Spice, aka a British person

BLOOD AND GUTS:
Plenty of gore scenes, some funny, some really really nasty. But whenever a knife or bear trap comes out, it hurts the characters in ways that you don't see coming. Like this scene, where the main character slowly puts his face closer and closer to the keyhole. Just try to guess what happens...


Seriously. Guess. I'll wait.

Nope. That is incorrect.

SHIRTS AND SKINS:
No nudity to speak of. This film is strictly about the slapstick violence.

And sexual chemistry

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
Some people might have heard about this film because of the cameo by Pinhead himself, looking particularly less Gothic. In that case, great. He is a fine actor. If that piques your interest enough to rent the movie, go for it. But don't expect him to do anything pivotal to the plot. It's sort of like that Robert Englund cameo at the beginning of Hatchet.


FINAL THOUGHTS:
This movie was a joy to watch, start to finish, possibly because it starts going in one direction and makes at least three hilarious and gruesome left turns throughout its quick, breezy run-time. Thank you, Netfix robots, for turning me on to such a fun movie, and for also telling me absolutely nothing about what happens. That makes the journey even more special.

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