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Monday, May 9, 2011

Frederick Krueger, Esquire

Hellooooooooooo.

I have had my first blog topic request (WHAT WHAT!). That’s right, gentlemen and gentlemen, my first fan has come out of the woodwork to say how much I need to be funnier and also less not ungrammatical. And the request: Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge.

Does that bird symbolize something?

I could write a really long, really bad thesis on the homoeroticism of this film, or I could direct you toward this film, one of the greatest documentaries of all time. Not only does Never Sleep Again cover all of the Nightmare films in great detail, but it spends a hilarious few minutes discussing the accidental-slash-not-accidental gayness in this film. At times, it almost delves into I Love the 80s territory.

And then the balls come flying… I made a funny.

Furthermore, Cracked.com, one of the oldest and most reputable sources of random online countdowns, has a list of the most unintentionally gay horror movies.

Including The Covenant, which is so very, very shirtless.

I’ve made an executive decision not to review any of these films, because these people have done a much better job at mocking them than I ever could.

Or I could let you watch the movie yourself
and make your own jokes about balls.

So thanks, Nameless Fan, for the suggestion, but I’m deferring to the experts on this one. (It is really gay, though.)

To thank you for your comment, I will gladly review another installment in the Freddy saga: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (aka The One with Tom Arnold and a Frying Pan). Trust me, it’ll be good.


Balls.

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