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Sunday, October 2, 2011

FINAL DESTINATION 5


Directed by Steven Quale
Written by Eric Heisserer and  Jeffrey Reddick (characters)
Starring Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, Arlen Escarpeta and Tom Cruise


WHA’ HAPPENED?
All the Final Destination movies follow the exact same formula. By this point in the series, writing a synopsis is like filling in a Mad Libs sheet: A bunch of coworkers survive a bridge collapse because one of them had a psychic vision. Then death stalks them one-by-one until there are only three main characters left. After a climactic scene at a restaurant, the remaining characters think they’re safe, until there’s a plane crash.

WHAT YOU SAY?
"Y'all just be careful now."

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?
I’m a sucker for 3D horror films. Still one of the most enjoyable experiences Ive ever had at a theater was during My Bloody Valentine, when I got to cheer along with hundreds of strangers as a jaw bone flew at us. I’m also a Final Destination fan. This series is Nightmare on Elm Street for the new millennium.

BLOOD AND GUTS:
Like all Final Destination films, this installment lives or dies by the elaborate and paranoi-inducing death scenes. And this one had some doozies. The laser eye surgery scene was a joy to witness. The acupuncture scene rivaled Miss Lewton's death from number one for outlandishness. But the gymnastics scene was this film's crowning achievement. It was suspenseful and brutal and so, so good.

Full disclosure: gymnasts creep me out. I blame that Keri Strugg.

SHIRTS AND SKINS:
This film has a very attractive male cast, right down to the Tom Cruise look-a-like. You’d think there would be some good, old fashioned beefcake on display. Well, my friends, the only character to show some skin is the character no one wanted to see naked. I will give you a hint: he’s third from the left:

Yeah. I know.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
All Final Destinations have brutal, awesome endings, but the first one (with the sudden demise of Kerr Smith) was always my favorite… until today. This movie has one of the coolest endings I’ve ever seen. Not just for an FD movie, but for ANY movie. I was this close to cheering.

OK. IS IT GAY?
Not explicitly. This series has yet to produce a gay character of substance. And with the underperformance of this installment, I doubt that there will be future sequels to right that wrong. That said, I couldn’t care less. This film is an utter joy from start to finish. If they made a new FD movie every year, I would shell out the big bucks for 3D. These movies are absolutely worth the time.

And can I just add that this film has my new favorite opening credits?

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