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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

IMMORTALS


If you’ve seen the trailers for the new action picture Immortals, you probably realized that it is just like 300, except… well, it has a different title and cast. As the trailer proudly proclaims, both movies come from the same producers.


But that’s not all they have in common. Here are the top seven reasons these movies are completely the same:

7. Oh, look. They have oracles too!

In 300, a bunch of oracles writhed around as their
white robes floated in computer-animated arcs.
In this film, the clothes are red.

6. The lead characters make a crapload of speeches.

For Sparta! Or, um, what country is this?

5. Huge masses of soldiers fight each other in slow motion.

The Sistine Chapel, only awesome.

4. The characters live in a CG world.

Everything the light touches will be yours, my son.
Except for that area right there. It isn’t pixilated yet.

3. The hero has to leave his lady behind so that he can fight stuff.

After a couple sex scenes, of course.

2. Hordes of men fight with their shields.

It’s just like Captain America, only retarded.

1. Gold-plated rulers kick people in slow motion.


At this point, it seems like the producers are messing with us. All the other similarities can be explained away as coincidental. But to include a direct copy of the single most famous moment in 300 is kind of like making an animated movie about a goat named Rambi and then killing off Rambi’s mother. This is verging on Snakes on a Train territory.

That said, if that kicking guy doesn’t impale someone with his hat, I will be eternally disappointed.

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