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Monday, April 4, 2011

My Soul to Take


STATS:
2010
Director: Wes Craven
Writer: Wes Craven
Starring: Max Thieriot

WHA’ HAPPENED?
A bunch of ethnically diverse teenagers are all born the same day a mass murderer dies. It’s their sixteenth birthday now and they start getting picked off one-by-one. Is the killer back, or is it one of them? Our hero starts acting strangely and his sister warns him that there’s something about his past that he doesn’t know. He tries to get some answers before it’s too late. It’s a shame that no one will freaking tell him what’s going on. It’s also a shame that everybody walks around alone and unprotected. It’s an even bigger shame that none of this makes any sense.

ISN’T THAT SPECIAL?
This film marks Wes Craven’s big return to the big screen after twiddling body parts for half a decade waiting for the next Scream to come along. After the one-two punch of Cursed and Red Eye ended on a low/high note (respectively), fans were wondering whether this was the return of good Craven or bad Craven.

The good…

The baaaad…

And the Murphy

From a gay standpoint, the Craves hasn’t really done a lot for our community, but he is a seminal figure in modern horror. And pretty much everything he makes has at least a few good scares.

Eek.

SHIRTS AND SKINS:
Not so much. I guess that’s a good thing because all the main characters look like they’re about twelve.

Seriously. I could step on these guys.

BLOOD AND GUTS:
Yes indeed. A lot of knife action. I didn’t know that people could bleed to death in such wildly different ways. And by “wildly different,” I mean “exactly the same.” There’s a reason Jason Voorhees likes to switch it up every few deaths.

Yeah. That’s the stuff.

PLOT HOLES AND CRAZINESS:
For a small town, isn’t it a little coincidental that six kids were born on the exact same day? Maybe it was nine months after prom or something.

I haven’t gotten into all the family drama yet, but I seriously doubt that a mother would act like that around her children. She’s kind of terrible.

For the gay fans.

OK. IS IT GAY?
Not in the least. There’s an ill-fated bromance, but most of the time the two guys are chasing after women and spying on them in the bathroom.

Is this gay? I think not.

Maybe if I enjoyed the film more, I’d be able to stretch its gay content a little more. As it is, this film is a Cary Grant, at best.

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