Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Director: Wes Craven
Writer: Kevin Williamson
Starring: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox-Arquette (burn), Emma Roberts

Sidney Prescott returns to Woodsboro right as a new Ghostface (or two) kills a bunch of people. Once again, she teams up with Gale Weather and Deputy Dewey (who have both become pretty unkillable as the franchise continues). Sidney has to protect her young cousin and her friends before the killer rips off every death scene from the original.

That said, the last half hour strays from the template and becomes off-the-wall random and so, so good.

Hint: sand worms.

Look. My generation grew up with these films. I would miss my birthday before I missed a Scream film. (I almost said “wedding” but then I felt guilty.)

From a gay standpoint, these films are the offspring of Kevin Williamson’s id, which is an endless string of bitchy quips and strong women. He could write a He-Man movie and make it seem gay.

Then again… that’s probably not a challenge.

The shady red herring boyfriend is all kinds of beautiful, from his styled hair to his weirdly lopsided, Corey-Haims-mouth.

Other than that, the Scream franchise is known for being light on the coed nudity. Lots of cop uniforms, though.

One of the rules of the sequel, as expounded by the late, great Randy from Scream 2, is that the death scenes of sequels are always much more elaborate. After watching Scream 2, I beg to differ. However, Scream 4 (or Scre4m, if you’re feeling particularly David Fincher-y) is chock full of blood and grue. The opening scene alone is a conveyor belt of bimbos dying horribly.

Most of the victims are young and female, busty and female, or young, busty and female. Oh, and there’s Adam Brody for some reason. (That was not a spoiler. His death is shown in the trailer.)

Most of the deaths (as exemplified by the opening shock) are sudden and spurty. Also, without giving anything away, one of the young stars suffers a ridiculous string of self-abuse.

This is a hint.

Look, people return to the Scream-well to see witty, hyper-verbal young’uns die horribly. And trust me, that well has not yet run dry.

Hey look! It’s Adam Brody.

I guess this is the closest that we’ll ever get to a True Blood/Veronica Mars crossover event.

Except in my dreams.

Yup. Every line of dialog Kevin Williamson writes is on the gay side of the bitchy-spectrum. One character says he’s gay to avoid getting murdered (It’s the RULES, man), but I doubt that he really was. Other than him (and an Anthony Anderson/Adam Brody bromance), there aren’t any genuine gay moments. But there’s a whole lot of bitchy.

I give this a Paul Lynde center square.

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